Pixelated Thoughts

2011-05-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

The nineteenth and twentith centuries was home to countless emerging empires. Latin America along with the Middle East shared several similarites as nation states yet the differed in how they were developed from a nation state to an empire.
Behind the emerge of both Latin America and the Middle East laid a foundation set up by chrismatic revolutionary leaders. In Latin America, the credit belonged to Simon Bolivar. He not only lead the independence of several different coutries he was also a persuasive speak who spoke of and for indepedence. He had made such an impact on nation-building in the region he is known in Latin America as "the liberator". ALso, the ciutry of Boliva is named in his honor. In the Middle East, Nasser takes credit for uprising his nation's status into an independent and regional power. A young officer in the Egyptian army, he had gain power over his country by a military usurp. Nasser secured the Middle east through his action in taking the Suez Canal from and England And France. Both nation-states adored their leaders for they appealed to popular desires and spoke the correct words at the correct time.

Latin America and the Middle East also share other aspects besides from sucessful leaders. Both nations have an abundant resource of natural products. Latin America offers gold, tin, uranium, lead, petroleum, and matural gas, just to name a few. The Middle East offers natural oil and gas for automobiles and homes. Both nations are fairly large and in some parts of the nations the places are considered second and third world therefore leading to stubbornly high unemplyment rate.
The differences between Latin America the Middle east were also apparent. Latin America had been influenced by American political influence and ecomnical takeover while the Middle East had extensive political influence from Africa. Latin America has also managed to move from authoritatrian to democratic polities, whereas the Middle East has opt to keep their citizens free from the fear of crime.
Before and after the revlutions for independence is Latin American and the Middle east strike both resembalance and differences.

2010-11-28T18:36:00.003-08:00

I tend to go home after school and neglect my cellphone. Before, people use to text me and they’d intertwine me into their conversations about the dumbest subjects and I’d play along; pretending to exert interest in pure nonsense but somewhere, I just stopped. I stop replying to the texts and if a reply was typed, usually it was one worded.

I don’t go out much and it’s funny because I used to dream about the day I’d finally be free to do whatever likings was in mind. I decline sweetly, sometimes harshly and abruptly, because of reasons I’ve never expressed. I never express why because it’s pathetic, the reasons I harbor inside stay personal for a reason. Some give me shit about it, they rant about how I always say no and I stay silent. Not because I’m speechless because it’s worthless trying to convey my reasons into their understanding.

Eventually, the texts stop arriving. The inviters stop inviting and the reasons remain secrets.

Fish and other seafood related items.

2010-11-28T18:36:00.001-08:00

Last night, the feeling causally waltzed into my mind but unlike other nights, I refused for it to linger longer than a couple of seconds. I guess sometimes you get so used to an emotion that you’re not even aware that it’s present until you cast your mind on it but then other times, you get fed up. You get tired of running your motor on the same engine knowing that it’ll never run, that you’re basically wasting valuable gas on a ancient engine. You get tired, so you stop thinking. You lie in the dark, waiting for the walls to speak again.

Once again, I find myself sitting at the dock squinting my eyes on the sun’s reflection on these water droplets. This withering pool of fish is bothersome, why can’t these fish act in chivalrous manners. I cast my line yet nothing bites. Suppose my bait was good enough before yet now the bait lies stale underneath the aqua surface.

My bait isn’t the prettiest, eye-catching, jaw droppingest bait out there, but at least it’s genuine.

2010-11-13T18:38:00.000-08:00

Look at you, falling back into the path of sweet words and short lasting euphoria. I could say that I'm surprised but that's a lie and I only lie to others not myself.

2010-10-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

Life's a puzzle.

For a short time, a few simple complicated weeks, I thought he fit the puzzle of Love perfectly. Obviously, I was wrong because our stroll today painted a different picture than the vivid picture hung in my heart but I am not bitter. To him, I own a lot.
I will explain tomorrow.

2010-10-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

I saw her last night. I don't believe she recognize who I was. I wonder if he pointed me out. I saw him last night. We were in separate groups yet in the same row, watching the same movie experiencing the same jumps due to exaggerated screams.

They were together. I felt nothing. This is it. This is the sign I've been waiting for. I believe I am no longer on the same page I began on when school first began, I believe there are no longer new emotions only old ones which will evidently never fade, but that's fine.

I am happy for them, honestly.

I am happy for me. No longer held back by the ball and chains of haunting emotions.

I am a free bird. Finally.

Scattered thoughts.

2010-10-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

What if I lost it. What if I went completely berserk and spoke without thinking. What if I knew no hurt and experienced no pain, what if I lived a life worth living not a sheltered one. What if I spoke with bitterness towards the bitter ones, what if I used soft words towards the ones who hurt me most. What if I said what I really wanted to say and cared less about other’s opinions. What if I became a hunter and chased you down until you gave in. What if I didn’t take no as an answer and pursued forcefully.

Fuck, what am I turning into? I’m turning into a hermit with no shell. I’m turning into a person with worries about everyone and everything. I think I’m growing up at a pace faster than I can follow.

I didn’t even try and I give up, I was right all along. A male of his worth is unreachable, how I could’ve possibly think I could obtain his affection I don’t know. This is just infatuation; he is wonderful because he is rare. A gem that shines a bit to brightly for my eyes.

I am lovely. Even with smears cast across my life story. One day, I will share me with somebody, someone marvelous. Somebody indescribable, a person worth calling a friend.

Hopeless.

2010-10-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

This is why hoping is good for none, especially me. This is why allowing your hopes to rise is worthless, it’s not opening a door to happiness it’s opening a door to bitterness.

I have little hope for love. I simply hope to be happy. Not the form of happiness created by a male’s affection but the state of happiness I create for myself.

I have little hope for the males attending my school. A majority of ‘em look similar, they all think they got swag for rockin’ The Hundreds shit and Stussy printed shirts. Finding a needle in a haystack is easier than finding a male who doesn’t exhale smoke and engulfs alcohol. Catching the eye of the ones up to par with the nearly impossibly standards mines is impossible. These males are the type girls feign over daily, to my demise I’m one of them; another face in the crowd never standing out.

I have little hope in maintaining friendships. I have little hope in staying close to you two. This time, I am the drifter. I am drifting because there is nothing to say anymore, there is almost nothing we share in common. You, you treat me like differently. And you? You’re just there, swaying to each others sides like magnates.

I have little hope in everyone and everything.

Sentimental value, simply.

2010-10-24T09:11:00.001-07:00

I didn’t even notice until second period. A simple glance to my arms signaled the loss of a bright hue present always on my right arm. So accustomed to it being on my arm; never do I check if it has fallen off so obviously, I was shocked that it was gone. I thought it fell off but then I remembered all the knots I tied to prevent any falls.

I found it at home. It was laying on my floor, I don’t know how it got there nor do I care.

Damn,I didn't realize the fact that it meant so much to me. To the point where I hopped around endlessly asking almost everyone if they had seen me with it that day.

You are always with me, even if you don't believe me.

Chimeras.

2010-10-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

Last night, I met you again. Originally, you took form as a human in my dreams but that evening you were received as texts. It's ironic how I dreamt you up as pixilated words when in reality texting was what you despised the most. "Texting is so unemotional, it lacks emotion," you'd always say.
Anyways, in my dream you texted me out of the blue sayin' you were missing me. I replied asking about your girlfriend. You replied that you and her were still together, but you still reminisce about us. That's when I woke up. I wish I could've stayed in the rhelms of dreamland a little longer, just enough time so I can see how things worked out. Maybe I rejected you. Maybe you left her for me. Or maybe we did nothing. Maybe we just accepted the fact that forever the desire will be there, just not strong enough to cause a major change in our lives, perhaps like leaving a love one.

You've been appearing a lot in my dreams. Possibly this is karma for all those times you dreamt about me?
Karma always fucks me the hardest.

2010-10-08T18:50:00.003-07:00

There’s a bridge and I’m standing on one side, you on the other. My hope feeds my willpower that’s why I stand tall and wait. Yet in a blink of an eye, the presence of you vanishes. The only time you’re alive is when the memories of you dances across my mind. Wishful thinking has captured my soul, it feeds the fire that keeps my hope alive. Wishful thinking’s the reason I’m standing here; my roots punctured in the ground not willing to move, I stand here waiting. Day after day, night after night I stand on this bridge because maybe, just maybe you’ll come back to me.

2010-10-08T18:50:00.001-07:00

Few close friends > big ol’ group of kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the big group of kids that causes so much chaos. The big group that everyone stares at cause they talk just a bit to loud, but the way I look at it is : at the end of the night, what do they really know about me. Rule of a party : The more the merrier, right? Wrong.

My perspective on parties are simple. Although I’m all for the excitement of a big group, I’d much rather prefer a small group of friends. What’s the use of inviting people to a party when your guests get to talk to you for no more than five minutes ? The kids that know me the best, the kids that know my tears and the stories behind my scars, those are the people I want to spend my time with not those strangers that want to get invited just so they can feel accepted. I don’t apologize for my standards for my look upon situations like that. If people can’t accept this, then sucks for them.

Flaws.

2010-10-08T18:49:00.006-07:00

No one enjoys having their flaws pointed out, picked on. Nobody enjoys that humiliation especially when the pickee is the person is the one you love the most.

In our eyes, we are not perfect. We are perfect because our lovers tell us we are. When our loves pick at our insecurities, when the adjectives coming out of their mouths are not complimentary but rather disruptive, we do not know what to do. The only thing we want to do then is go dig a hole, curl up and cry. Why ? The answer’s simple. People try to be perfect, and seem flawless in another person’s eyes so when your love objects your “perfection” , your ego shatters. Although every single person on this planet has a mold that we want out lovers to fit, do not try to change them. Accept them for who they are and widen your mold, for them.

Mistake love.

2010-10-08T18:49:00.005-07:00

It’s wonderful to say that I’ve finally let go of you even if it took you a second to forget me, and months for me to forget you. The thoughts of you have rightful taken its spot in my head, the spot where I leave all the broken memories and half hearted promises. The back of my head is where you lay, memories that filled my head lie in the bottom of my heart not in the middle, where you used to be. You taught me beautiful things. Some I am certain no else will ever be able to hand to me, for that I thank you. For reasons unspoken I do not regret you. Every moment spent with you was a memory etched into my brain. Getting over and loving someone are to different things, that’s why I’m not writing this to say I do not love you anymore because both my heart and I know I could never say those words. Today, I decided to write this because this is the closure I need. It’s been in my mind for awhile, and now it’s official. You no longer haunt my dreams, you no longer occupy my mind, you are no longer the person I need. I’ve finally grew the backbone I need to walk away form the this mess you’ve created.

My heart is not a mess, it is a work of art. A beautiful piece that you paint on, yet left unfinished for a better artist -lover- to come a finish, to complete me.

"Father"

2010-10-08T18:49:00.003-07:00

Fifteen years on this world, yet only four out of those fifteen have I been able to say those words. Dad. For as long as I can remember, I grew up with only a Mom no Dad. My dad was in the picture I suppose, but only for a short period of time. As harsh as this sounds I’ve never considered myself having a dad. Growing up, he was there but only in the background he never played as a main character in my life. I’ve never really had someone to call dad, nor do I want to have a dad but sometimes, just sometimes I wish “dad” was around. I remember this phase I went through when I wanted a dad so badly. I remember growing up, watching my neighbor’s dad take such good care of her. I wanted, craved that so much. Whenever she got mad at him for the smallest things, I would get so mad. Deep down I wanted to yell -scream- at her for treating him so badly because what she took for granted was what I need the most. I see now how naive I was back then, wishing for something I could never grasp. I see now that “Dad” never wanted me in the first place, mom was just a rebound until his other wife came back ‘round. I see now that without his love I am perfectly fine. Why ? Because I never had your love in the first place, so why do I need your love now.

Dear Dad,

I resent you dad,for all the things you’ve taken away from me. My childhood was never whole because you were never around, What’s it like dad ? To forget you’re daughter’s birthday ? I was turning four, you promised you were going come to watch me blow out my candles, but you left. And where’d you go?You left to be with your new family. I knew you and mom had it rough from the start, but what about me ? I know I wasn’t planned but I always had faith in you. Mom thought I was to young to understand but she was wrong. I remember when mom would talk behind your back saying you weren’t a man, that you were to afraid of her to raise me. When mom said that I always thought to myself “No, mom’s wrong. Dad loves me, he’s going to come. ” Everyday the same thing came out of my mouth, everyday you let me down harder. In the end, mom was right. You aren’t a man. You left me high and dry,While you spent time with your other family. If I was to much to handle,Why do I have a sister the same age as me, why the fuck do I have three siblings in total ? I resent you, everything I was suppose to have you gave to her. Your love, went to her. I never knew her face,But I envy this girl. She had everything I ever wanted. A whole family, a loving dad, a good childhood. I resent you for leaving Mom & I. I resent you for leaving me behind. You must think you are a wonderful dad,never calling me. To me,You are only a stranger. I grew up to fast, because you weren’t there to protect me. People ask where you are, and I choke up when I answer. Do you know how hard to answer that. How can I say, I don’t know where my dad is ? How can I say my dad isn’t here because he abandoned me ? I guess in some twisted way, you did love me. But that love wasn’t enough, that love was never enough because you never did really love me like mom. Your love was out of pity, you love was nothing but a sham. I don’t care how much you regret leaving me now. Always and forever, I will never love you. ever. I resent you for leaving me. I resent you for making mom cry. But most of all, I resent you for calling me a mistake. This isn’t resentment, this is hatred to this day, you are the only person I truly hate.
Love,Your daughter.

2010-10-08T18:49:00.001-07:00

except there’s no more kissing. No more holding onto you when there’s a swarm of people trying to walk through. No more texting you every other minute since I’m just another girl now. No more feeling your skin grazing mines since now when we walk there’s a distance. No more walking me to the bus since you’ve got other things now. No more walking me to classes since there’s no point in being late now. No more staying on the phone with me, since the only thing we can hear is silence. No more holding me when I cry since that’s not what you have to do now. There’s no more picturing us in the future since that boat has sailed now.

Now all I can do sit here and watch you walk away, slowly but surely I’m losing my grip on you.

You.

2010-10-08T18:48:00.001-07:00

My brain is nonexistent, it is a lost boat in the middle of the Pacific ocean. It floats aimlessly in my skull, just floating. My brain is a toddler, it cannot make decisions by itself. My brain has to find reassurance from my heart before decides on anything and personally, I can’t bear it.

Your eyes, I just want them to look into mines once again. I don’t want the label as something more, I don’t need the feel of your heart against my heart, I am a free bird and no longer need a nest. Right now, I can only hope for us to be friends because the constant strain of avoidance has taken a toll on our almost nonexistent friendship. I can only hope to be your acquaintance again.

I see you and you see me yet when our eyes meet why is it that you look away instantly? I try to smile but by the time I do so, your eyes are already gone.

Fuck me, I hate myself right now. First I want nothing to do with you, then I want us to be friends.

Honest words.

2010-10-08T18:47:00.002-07:00

I am choosing this drift. I am choosing to distance myself from you. I am selecting this choice of treatment rather then my scolding for scolding lectures are worthless, they go through one ear for you and out the other.

I am a wreck. Not lying, I have no where to turn. The people who once held their hands out for me to bury my face in are still here, and I appreciate every single one of them but they’re not honestly here. They offer friendship but no longer guidance, no open ears. I have no right to demand their time since their life is hectic enough without my constant exhalation of stress. Truthfully, I just want a good pair of ears. No need for wise replies, just offer more than “I see.” Even if you have no words, reply with “I am speechless” or even just offer a look that signals that you are here, and you are willing to be my shoulder.

Clawing inside, these emotions are simply waiting on the right person. Hell, it could be anyone to trigger a affection known as trust.

I’m a wreak.

I’m emotionally unstable.

Someone be my rescue.

2010-10-08T18:47:00.001-07:00

When I confide in you asking for confidentiality I honestly mean I’m asking for confidentiality. If I express that these feelings I’m sharing between us need to stay between us, I mean that.

This week, I’ve been feeling the cold stab of betrayal over and over. Damn, I honestly believe I could trust in you. All the things I spoke about between us I believed that it would stay between us. I can’t believe you, you honestly value the dicks before your chicks. I told you my feelings for him prior to your promise of seldom silence. Next thing I know you go off and tell your male friend ‘bout my feelings. Even if I was taken, I’d never betray you like that. When you ask for swear secrecy I’d give it to you. Man, I don’t even know anymore. Trust ain’t east earned anymore. All I gotta say when it comes down to you, to everyone that is.

Neon green.

2010-10-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

You may fade but you will never fully disappear. You linger along me every single day, you stay positioned so nicely on my wrist; the brightest of color triggers the vividest of memories.

It's not the beautifulest of jewelry yet forever it will be cherished for the sentimental value. It's is beautiful to me because it was created from the very hands that held me tightly. It was not created from a manufactured store, there are no replica of it aside from the one you wear. The very strings that you caress everyday it is made out of: your yo-yo strings. I remember the text you sent along with the picture of it caught me by surprised never had I new a boy like you could make something so delicate. The day we parted ways I tore it off, I threw it onto the floor hoping it would shatter into million of pieces. Sadly, string is not glass. I told you I didn't want it anymore, you simply said "I noticed." The next week I needed something of you to keep me sane for the jacket I wore nightly was given back so I went to find the bracelet. I held it tightly in my hand, I inspected for any signs of tear gladly, there were none. I put it on and have had it on to this very day. I'd like to think that you still wear yours as a last gesture to me, a reminder of how our story went.

I still miss you to this very day. Four months later I still miss you.

You have a girlfriend now. You happy now, you have forgotten completely about me. The way you frown when you look at me offers me the saddest feelings. You walk past me even when you see me looking; how can one be so cruel to a person who loves him so?

Bucket list.

2010-07-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

Stored in my head is a list of things I'd like to do beofre I die. Most of the things on the to-do list are probably better done not just by myself, but with another person. Number one on my Bucket List is to find someone to cross off my list with. And this person? They could be anybody. They don't have to take form of a boy, not necessary a lover either just someone to accompany me. One day, I'd like to fine a person to travel the world with. Someone who'll know all the words to The Cheeseburger song and they won't be embaressed to sing outloud with me. In the words of Adele, someone to lighten up my heart when I start to cry. I'd like to thing that somewhere out there, there's a person waiting to discover life with me. Someone that'll take form as a friend, but then again a lover isn't that horrible either.

2010-07-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

There's this boy who always hits me up, spittin' words along the lines of "You should come over sometimes" and if that wasn't enough he's got to add those unnecessary (; faces , thinkin' those winks make him seem sly. Never once do I reply but does he get the message? No. Weekly, these texts get sent to me and I think it's time I reply to him. "Sorry boy, but I'm not that typa girl. I'm not a sex toy, your booty call. If you don't mind can you take me off your hit list? You're already gettin' ass every night, don't think you need mine. "

Misplaced letters.

2010-07-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

Sleepless nights lead to wandering thoughts. Last night these thoughts turned to our conversations. I relived one of our conversations&I get now why you said the things you did. When I said "Should've just said I still like you", I didn't understand all of the meanings it could hold. I didn't understand why you said I shouldn't say that. I remember asking you why and you said that it would create more drama for us. I didn't register the mistake I'd made, until now. Sorry if my words didn't connect correctly. What I meant to say was "Should've just lied and said I still like you". Who knew one word could make all the difference. Sorry if I had you worried that I was about to conjure up unwanted emotions again.

Cluttered thoughts.

2010-07-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because I've had my share of experiences but it doesn't click to me when I see others having their heart set on one single thing: love.

You&her.

2010-07-05T17:41:00.001-07:00

Bottom line, she deserves better. She deserves someone who's willing to give her his all without asking for anything in return. She deserves love without any intention of lust. She deserves someone who will never hold a grudge on her over something so small. She deserves someone who understand she has a life apart from him; someone who'll allow her to balance her love life with her friendships&family. She deserves someone who understands the words "Stop". Someone who'll love her & never make her cry. Maybe you do give these things to her, but from what I see you take more then give.

She deserves better but then again, it's only my two cents.

P.S. You're an idiot for wanting a break. She will be the best you every had, hands down. You're missing out on a good thing. Never ever will any girl amount to her. Whatever, it's your lost.

Dreamlog.

2010-07-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was one of the oddest dream I've ever dreamt. A friend once said that the person you dream of was thinking about you before they slept, so does that mean Pablo thought of me? My dream consist of Pablo, me, and his friend. Basically in my dream, me and Pablo were hanging out and his friend comes by and says "If you don't then I will". Then once he leaves, I turn to Pablo and he asks "Ann, will you be my girlfriend?" &then I wake up.

Waking up, I felt awkward but found myself smiling.

Two faced.

2010-06-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

I believe that somewhere, there lies good in you three but damn, right now your good is nowhere to be seen. I'm still in disbelief at the fact that it was you three who smeared my name because out of everyone, you guys were the sweetest. I guess it's true what they say, it's always the most innocent ones. It doesn't get to me that you guys talked, what got to me was that you guys had to tell everyone. You guys already knew that people hear stuff and then assume which cause more drama but fuck,you guys didnt give a damn, huh? It's pathetic how you guys think that I'm just gonna pretend that everything's fine and that I'm just gonna stand here and watch you push me around. Well guess what, I'm not. You guys can go ahead and smile at me and tell me it's just annoyance&nothing big but at the end of the night, you guys still spitted lies. I'll be damned if I'mma tolerate that.

Puzzled thoughts.

2010-06-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Mentally, I've gotten past the reoccurring memories being played. Physically, I no longer yearn for your touch. Yet emotionally, I'm still stuck on you. It's amazing how someone can make such a large impact on me with such little time. I get that I'm barely mature and that with time, I will experience more lovers and relationships but there is something about you that I can't seem to let go. I truly believe that no matter how far life takes me, I will always be reminded of you. Everywhere I look there's memories of him. When clouds are casted over the sun, he appears. He rains down me, wetting the street along with my eyes. The star hung above refelect his eyes, the brown ones that once looked at me with such love. Tyra shows at noon talks about texts and I flash back. Back to when I made him watch Tyra with me. Those chairs at Knotts still has traces of us. I see a couple sitting there, her perfectly place on his lap; their faces are no longer theirs but are ours. Going shopping, I drag my feet not wanting to miss a deal yet I pick up speed and glide past Wet Seal, not even glancing in. Wet Seal reminds me of you, back to when you sat in the chair waiting for me to try on clothes. Remember when I wouldn't buy that shirt until you approved of it? Jessica's house fills me with memories. Those memories created on that bunk bed were some of the sweetest. He and I could've gotten away with so much yet all we did was lay there. My legs intertwined with his, feeling his heat once he held me close. Every damn thing reminds me of him, yet he has no memory of me. Choosing to forget, he's willing to erase me completely. No matter where I go, the faces I see, the experiences I have I will never forget you. I will never forget the boy that opened up my heart and showed me such wonderful things. Given, he wasn't my first love but he taught me how to maintain a relationship. He showed me that within a healthy relationship lie give-and-take, it's not about what I want it was about what we both want. The best relationships die the hardest way. If I had one wish, I'd go back and never ask you to Sadies. Because then, I wouldn't have to feel this hurt every single day.

Dear Michelle,

2010-06-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

Under these circumstances, I know that we won't be as close as we used to be but trust when I say I won't even betray you. The stuff that you've told me, I'll take it to my grave. No lunch and no P.E. together doesn't mean anything because in the end I know you'll always be there for me. I hope you know I'll be there for you too.

Love, Ann.

Dear Kevin,

2010-06-21T21:08:00.001-07:00

You're the drops of rain on a humid June day. So unexpectedly you came. Gave me no time to prepare yet after I got my umbrella out, you disappeared. Your sweet words send a rush through my veins just like when the cold drops graze my cheek. Appearing and disappearing my feelings stored for you mimics the rain too. Appearing when I see your face. The pleasing face sends signals to my brain that wires down to my heart yet somethng there cancels out the signals, leaving me dumbfounded. Disappearing when talks of you moving get picked up by my ear. Potinetial-person-that-I-might-maybe-have-feelings-for, wasn't lyin' when I said this was unpredicatable. These premature feelings are blooming to something larger but allowing them to grow past the lust phase? Impossible. Damn, you becoming noticed was so unexpected. People talk and say they'd never expect me to be interested in someone like you and they're right. Guess you're not really my type but there's something about you. Something so unexplainable that's got me going crazy, in a good way.

Dear Potential Love,

2010-06-21T21:07:00.002-07:00

Please stick your grounds. You and I are different which means we desire different things but please know I have no control over you. To alter yourself to fit my needs is not what I want you to do. If you ever do that please know my respect for you will be gone. I know I can be a bit demanding at times but don't just agree to my demands. Put up a fight, don't allow me to get what I want because then in my eyes, I'll see nothing but a pushover. If a relationship is all about take then there is no relationship

Dear Ignorant Boys,

2010-06-21T21:07:00.001-07:00

Please know that I am not an object. To conform to your needs is not one of my rules. You want things to be like this? You want me to act like so? Good for you, now go find a girl who's got no fight. If you happen to not like the way I act then use your words in a way that'll get to me. I want you too, you need to be, you should be like so-and-so? Those words will do nothing but take my respect away. To change myself for a mere boy that'll last no longer then my toothbrush? I don't think so.

2010-06-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

A house in the making, you were the blueprints & the house to be was our relationship. With every sweet word another brick was laid down. Sooner then later a foundation was formed; it was strong too. Being able to weather through all the harsh words that were exchanged, it stood there majestically. Somehow, one way or another we'd always recover and continue to build our "house". Yet little did I know a storm was brewing. The actions I did plus the words I said were enough to suck every brick out of place, leaving nothing left but an empty ground. Leaving my heart deserted. You were a blueprint of a house so perfect that ended up being to difficult to build. &The "house" of ours is now locked up in a box named The Past. Within the box are also the bricks I now call Memories.

Time for me to go out into the real world and find a blueprint to coordinate effortlessly with my bricks.

Buggin'

2010-06-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

You said that you'd always be around if I needed someone but when I need someone the most I fear of calling you. Today I was so bothered by everything. Tears leaking like crazy and gasping for air, I reach for the phone but then I freeze. It hits me that I can no longer call you. Before, I would be able to call you but not anymore. Because back then, I was your girl. You were my boyfriend so your "job" was to listen to my venting, no matter how ugly it is. But now? Now I'm just a nobody to you, not even close to a friend. What right do I have now to call you and demand you to listen to my vents?